Doctor Who has the edge on 70's Fashion. Abigail & David. Speak for Yourself

I ran out the door to go meet up with my actors for my short film project I am involved in. I made my best effort to dress like Tom Baker, aka Doctor Who. He wears a wonderfully large wool coat with large collar that is up turned slightly. He wears the biggest scarf I have ever seen. I hated his large grotesque scarf with its earth tone colors of orange, green, and beige and brown. But, now I some how love that scarf for the unique description it gives the Doctor. In the previous episode the Doctor had to duel against a most notorious swords man, The Doctor had to readjust his scarf after each engagement of swords. Sword fighting has become many things in the movie culture world and long since has it been that a duel was to held by only gentlemen. So The Doctor casually stopped each time after the crossing of four to five sword hits and readjusted his scarf. Never fearing that the Gentleman across from him would take a reward in a undeserved victory. Doctor Who is wonderful. I just enjoy myself at the whimsical nature of it all. And all the while I am going to keep my eye out for a large grotesque scarf.

I've recently read the story of Abigail and David. I could try to retell the story, but I wouldn't want to lose my emphasis on the idea that it gave me. Abigail intercepted David while David was on a one way path to destruction. She had never even met the guy and she placed herself into a dangerous position of being the one person who is going to try to reason with him. This is the first time we ever see David taking a rash action. Abigail wins, she turns David back from his anger and she also wins his heart. I consider myself to be quite foolish in my Anger as most should. Other times I get so frustrated with nursing a attitude of anger that I lock myself inside of me. It is a wonderful thing to be wrong, and even more to have the other person forgive you for it. Because after David got over his temper, he asked Abigail to marry him three days later. And she accepted. Not only was David awesome enough to know he was wrong, he was awesome enough to know he need someone like Abigail around him continually.

"Words do not need to be written for others, if I myself do not need to hear them first."

I was having a very hard time editing my script. My sister made the comment in passing that she felt I needed to read certain passages out loud. I began reading the script out loud to myself. It was amazing how much it helped me. How often are we telling others things that we are so badly needing to hear ourselves.

Gray Haired Art Professors. Guitar Strings & Self Endings. The Sparrow's Fall

In a Art History Class the Gray Bearded Professor said,

“ Someone once asked me how do I become a artist. I told him to paint two hundred paintings and than to throw them all away. After you have thrown them all away, start painting again and than you will be a artist.”

Every time that I pick up a guitar my fingers go to the first chord that I ever learned. I know few chords, I am not a guitar player. I have a list of chords sitting on my dresser, a page full of lines and dots that are symbols of potential new sounds. Still, I have settled at this point in life to play the chords I know. The question I am asking is, when you reach the end of your personal expression, will the depth of knowing yourself be strong enough for you yourself to begin again. There is a debate about the act of creating Art and the making or doing Craft. A Craft is the ability to repeat a action, to be rewarded with a mirrored result of your previous action. Wood working is known as a craft, a wood worker is judged by his ability in his craft if his furniture matches itself. Artwork than is not a craft, because the process is unique each time. Still, a artist artwork can be reduced or summed into a expressed thought. A book author is judged by how consistent his books feel to his other works. Did the author deliver that same sense of justice that we first fell in love with in the first book we read of his? Artwork is not a Craft, but in a sense it is still trapped by a haunted presences of Craft. Because at some point we (the artist) are going to find all the chords we know on our instrument of artistic expression, and although we could easily learn more, we don't. When you reach the end of your expression, will the depth of knowing yourself be strong enough for you yourself to begin again

We wonder if we can face tomorrow. We wonder if we can ever find the strength to ask for forgiveness. We wonder if we have it inside of ourselves. In the black womb, you were given eyes to see though you knew nothing of sight. In the black womb you were given fingers to grasp, though you knew not what your occupation would be. In the black womb you were given legs to stand, though you had not yet met the opposition of earth.

Coco in the Bat Cave, My Melted Heart, and in Response!

I was playing batman action figures with my nephew Sam. He has a pretty sweet bat cave that we focused most of our play time around. He had his batman action figure and I had some guy he name Freeze Freeze Joker. Sam told me that his last name was Freeze Joker and that his first name was Freeze. Sam told me that our figures had to go inside the base because there was a storm outside. I asked Sam if the bat cave had hot coco. He said yes, we went to the bat kitchen and made coco and than set our figures next to the large bat emblem window to drink coco and watched the storm.

I am not sure what holds me back from knowing with surety. I am to be melted down in my personally heart when I think of how I judge with a internal measure that I am unsure of. I have heard it said that the stage can either be taken by two forms, the form of Charisma or the form of Character. Each one has its own talents. Charisma being a presentation of natural gifts, Character being a display of internal governance. One seems the clear choice by just its name alone, yet still we often never give it the platform to rule and to speak. Because we associate the guiding principles of the nature of Character to be close in friendship hand with Prudence. Prudence of course is the person who will never do anything for the crowd and has a swift answer of why he or she will not. We than cheer and boo with cry's that scream out Chicken! The other opinion I have heard, is that a man can either be ever so clever, or ever so pleasant.

Toni wrote her last blog about challenging self confidences. Still she did not place the issue upon the crux of self confidences, but God Confidence. One of the ways our minds harness thoughts is by the act of Repetition. If there is anything good, anything wonderful that comes across as a good thought opportunity in your life, trap it like a butterfly. Not to kill the beast, but rather to take notice of it. Today I am giving some thought to that topic of self confidence. I am mixing it with my personal readings of King David and I am letting loose my theories to fly around my life. Maybe you cringe at this idea of almost a experimental like attitude when I am referring to the state of our soul and life. Well, I too think that my words sound a bit to sensitive and not guided with a precision. But consider the latter state in rejecting a standard towards the intake and export of mental goods. Chaos forms a order, Anarchy in itself is a order. A stirred up glass with mud, rock and water once calmed with sift itself, and the mind not governed or direction will find a judge and jury to guide it. Will that be self appointed or will exterior circumstances make their home to infringe upon your house hold freedoms.

Beer and Ads.

Today I have been thinking a bit about self confidence; about God confidence (if that is a word) and about feeling the fear and doing it anyway. I came to thinking about these things because yesterday a friend of mine asked my business partner and I if we wanted to audition for an Ad with him. I have never done anything like that before, and liv has. She got scouted off the street and flown to Rarotonga for a weekend to shoot an ad. So you can imagine my trepidation of not ever doing anything like this before. The little doubt monsters crept in, telling me I wasn't good enough, so I decided not to do it. Later that night however two things popped out of the page of something I was reading. The first, a quote "feel the fear and do it anyway" and the second, about having confidence in God and when we do move out of our comfort zone we are challenged, we grow and we rely on God. So I thought, screw it Im going to do this Ad.

We went to the audition, but while filling out the forms I found that I am going to be in Australia on the days they are filming so I couldn't audition. That however is not the end of the story. As I was walking out the lady said to me "You have a really great look, you should join the books." You can imagine my surprise. A little boost in confidence from a stranger never does any harm! So I left feeling great! Great that I was going to join a talent agency, great that I had stepped out in fear, and great that I had relied on God. It seems fickle maybe? But I love that God is always there, in the big things, the little things and in the things you just would never think he would care about. AWESOME!

I have one more thing to write about. Summer has come back over here. It was so hot today that I needed something cold to drink, all I could find was beer in the fridge at work. So thats what I drank, at 3:30pm. My thoughts on this, are that afternoon beer always tastes soooooo much better than night beer. I think because its so refreshing! oooh! But also that if you do drink beer at 3:30pm on a work day that is the end of your work day. Ciao.

King David. Mr. Washington's Dining Room. The Lost Boys of Peter Pan

And David said, “ Let not a man's heart in Israel fail by putting trust into my words. I will fight the Philistine.” Years back, I made a list in my journal of all the people that I felt uncomfortable to be around. It was a odd list, and I thought it terrible to make such a list. I made the list in a hope that it would clear some unknown social foggy feelings I had. The list was mostly composted of people who I had a assumed confidence in and whom I had lost confidence. It was a list of people that I desperately loved and wanted to be loved by. However, somewhere along the way feelings were not mutually shared. It is a wearisome thing to lose hope, we never see it when we have it, but when its gone we know not what has left us. David said, Do not let a man in Israel fall out of hope, fall out of love, because they have a expectation of me. That expectation is a feeling, but I will give it a clear definition. I will go fight the Philistine for them.”

Years back I took a grade school trip to Washington DC. During that trip, I visited Mount Vernon the home of First President George Washington. I loved it, and I still have a great mug that I bought from that trip. Drinking coffee out of that mug always reminds me of the experiences. While on the tour, I can remember the female guide calling our attention to Mr. Washington's dinning room. It was painted a green shape of teal, or maybe it was a yellow shade. I cannot recall distinctly. The guide told us that Mr. Washington had the belief that this color helped indigestion. It is funny that teal and pink pastels are attached often to indigestion and stomach cure medicines. The purpose of all this is that I want a kitchen, and I want to paint it some form of a pastel. I would like the Victorian decorative accents that George Washington also displayed. I would like a kitchen that invites tea and coffee drinkers, and makes eggs in a skillet on the stove look like a Norman Rockwell painting.

This morning I driving in my car and thinking. It is good to have places to think. I can say that my car is not really a thinking place for me in my life, but I had just gone on a 10 hour round trip road trip in that car. And the impression of being quiet must have still been lingering in that space. I was trying to think of how to describe myself. Currently I am working with a team of Actors and Musicians to do a small low budget film. We had a group practice last night, and even though I encouraged by the practice I still had a longing to further communicate my intentions to my group. So in the car this morning I was imagining a story I could tell them to describe my efforts. The story was a description of our group hiking through the woods on a day outing. I would enjoy walking through the woods with everyone, but what I am really looking for is a initial point of conflict to cure my appetite for adventure. I guess the fastest way to describe it, is that I want to go into the woods and play Lost Boys of Peter Pan all day. But in order to do that, everyone needs to get the Lost Boy Model into their own head and play upon that vision. How can I empower my group of Actors to be Lost Boys inside of this Film Project?

Do you ever try to write poems? I do and here is one for you

If I had Chalk

If I had Chalk, My Dear

I was to make a note

On my Knees I would have set to making it known

Not Loves Letter of Average Post

But a Large Chalk drawing of a skeleton at most

Speak not of ill gotten meaning

For a purpose cannot be known other that in hearing

But do not hold me to perfect word of Why

How could Gray Bones speak loves cry

For I've never heard you speak of a pain in Death

I should have drawn you a Dove instead

But you are not contained in a form of this bird

For both animal and man are two different natures, and wildly misunderstood

I drew the bones by best I can say

That it is something of you, and it is something of me

And when a life time passes away

The Archeologist will look in and on at a Future day

Two simple frames

One of mine and one of yours

Old ,White, and Gray

In a Common Dirt Covered Grave

A Silent Moment. Actors and Speeches. How is the Ink Running?

Several months ago I was at the funeral and burial site for Rose Johnson. Wife of deceased Raymond Johnson, one of my Grandfather's older brothers. Raymond had served in World War II as well his older brother Billie. Raymond had stormed the beaches of Normandy. Rose was buried right next to her husband after she had surpassed him and lived for 11 more years. It was there at the graveyard that someone said, “do we have anyone else here?(buried)” My Grandpa than began to walk through the head stones. My Mom asked me to help Great Aunt Laura walk through the uneven ground of the graveyard. We stopped at a small little head stone. Billie Johnson my Grandpa's brother who had died years back. He had fought on one of the Islands in World War II and had come home to his wife Laura whom I was escorting to the site. Billie was killed at the age of 23 in a Logging accident soon after his return from The War. It had been over 50 years since his passing. Laura never remarried and forever has been apart of our family. It was a amazing thing to stand at the grave with my Grandfather and Laura for those few moments of silence.

I have passed out the Film Scripts to the Actors and this Wednesday we are going to be practicing reading our lines together. In my mind I have a image of how the whole evening will go, but better than all that I also have these funny moments where I am picturing myself giving the actors motivational speeches. I enjoy humoring myself by imagining these speeches. The last imaginary speech I wanted to give the Actors involve me holding a chess set to display the true dual entity of the script and its production! It would have been a dynamite use of a prop in a speech. I have enjoyed the act of getting older, it allows me to laugh at myself more, because in truth I often take myself quite seriously and make imaginary speeches with chess boards in my hand.

I go through seasons of running. I am not a year round runner, because the dedication of time that it takes to support the interest. I assume this with a lot of activity's that I keep in my life. I forced myself to compartmentalize this areas of interest so that I will accept giving up one interest for the sake of another interest. Each time I begin running again, I am careful to expand my muscles slowing, but also careful to form muscle memory with good habits. A warm up mile, a warm down mile or half a mile walking to allow the heart to keep exercising at higher beats per minutes. I do these things so that forming muscle and building muscle back in my body is much smoother than just exhausting myself with go get'em work out. However, the hardest part of working out, is not always the start, but the continuation. After you have broken over the initial threshold and your mind is now comfortable with the work, it is also comfortable enough to not value the work. While running I have heard myself say, “ Why are you doing this? It is not doing anything for you.” Writing must be the same battle of will, because often times I can hear myself disregarding my exercise.

Several Days Ago. The Hypothesis Theory. Film site finding.

Several days ago I read Toni's thoughts on the Earthquake in New Zealand . Everything she wrote was important, but I will admit that I did not stop to fully let it in. In the shower this morning I stopped myself long enough to just think about it. I thought about the entire country being still and silent for two minutes. I than realized it was my time to be still and silent. The passage from the book of Luke, came to my mind about Jesus talking of men who had died in a construction accident. I paraphrase from memory, ' and those 18 men who died the other day while working on the tower. Were those men so wicked that they were all gathered to be at the same place for the single reason of their demise and judgment? No. But know that our days are short and each one of us should be prepared to meet his end on this earth.' Some people in this life only make themselves live with the comfort feeling good, some turn themselves the opposite to only live with the tragedy being their comfort. Jesus knew he was to die, he knew his mortal tragedy he did not deny it, but still people came to him for his immense joy in life and more.

I first learned the term Hypothesis in middle school science. It was explained to me as a theory, or a statement of intent, in which someone is searching for a possible result. This theory was than to become the foundation for all the work we as a classroom were to than do. When the teacher told me that Scientist are made Scientist by their Hypothesis, I remember feeling lied to. The teacher was trying to get out of doing really lab science projects and expanding my learning mind by giving me a definition of a word and calling it “Science”.

It was recently that I was asked how I was able to pick up needed skills for my new job so quickly. 

“ Have you ever done this kind of work before?” and to answer this I tried to draw lines between my current occupation and how it related to past jobs. Still the person asking the question of me did not accept these answers to the full entirety for the need of the question. This than made me think of how it was possible that I had made leaps to fill needed skill gaps. Let it be known I am far from any level of excellence in my current position, but still my aptitude has been noted by my co-workers.

I made myself a work Hypothesis. A Hypothesis is a statement of intended results. The work that than follows is all based upon proving your Hypothesis. Each day before work I go over tasks that are required of me and try to imagine how I can do them better. I do not go into work chanting a magical rhythm of “ I will be the best, I will know no stress” Instead I observe problems and make heart guided endeavors to fix them. I would like to entitle myself as a Work Scientist, but I also would like to keep that as a title I say silently in my head. Hmm

Hypothesis in life. There is a phrase that says, “ Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it.” A Wish is a working Hypothesis. However it is more dangerous than a Hypothesis because it lives inside our minds and exist within a reality that says “ only if crazy unexplainable events occur will this ever happen.” A Wish stays in our mind, but our lives are actively testing our Hypothesis for the conclusion. My example is the guy who has a odd in explainable attraction to the “ wrong girl” in his life. He has no current relationship with her, but he has a heart wish that she would find him attractive. He than makes the Hypothesis in his mind that says, “ She would never find interest in me.” The Mental Scientist than goes to work and tries to disprove his Hypothesis. He makes efforts to talk to the girl that are categorized as acts of fate in his mind. All the while he is unaware that he is being a Scientist in his own heart and mind. Suddenly the girl finds him sexy! He has found a great satisfaction in his life knowing that he has disproved The “ She Will Never Like Me ” Theory. Knowing now that he has disproved the theory, he than takes the reward of getting into a relationship with this girl who is a wrong choice in his life.

Daily we have mental Hypothesis working in our minds. Personal challenges that we are trying to conquer. Our mind has the great capability to focus, we need not to deny its power by labeling everything as a “ wish”. What we think about will gravitate us closer towards it. What Wishes do I need to more clearly define and be intentional about?

I am working on a film project. Yesterday a group of us spent a fun morning scouting for locations to shoot the movie. This is a picture of one location. 

Thoughts after earthquakes.

Hello. I'm writing this while drinking a hot cup of Milo. If you don't know what that is, its kinda like a hot chocolate, but not. Malty, delish goodness.

Today is the one week anniversary of the Christchurch earthquake. It struck last Tuesday, at 12:51pm. And is the biggest natural disaster in New Zealand's history. It's thought that more than 200 people are dead, but a lot are still missing under the rubble of buildings. Its so crazy to think that Christchurch of all places has been destroyed. I always think New Zealand is so secure, stable and hidden away from any kind of serious danger. I've never thought of making a survival kit for my house (times have changed tho!). It has affected so many people, and friends and family of friends. So close to home!

What is amazing out of all of this destruction is the unity of people around the country. It feels like we are all one big family. Today the whole country stood still for 2 minutes, to honour quake victims. (I Happened to break down on the motorway an hour before and was ridding in the front cab of the tow truck at 12:51pm, so me and the truck driver had our minutes of silence together.....strange, but Very cool!).

Sites have been set up for people needing accommodation, most offered for free. And already one week on over $1o million dollars has been raised by red cross. Today our landlord told us that he wanted us to pay 10% less for a month and give that money to the red cross. SO GREAT. I feel so useless with how I can help, but every bit I guess can create a small miracle for someone else. Im praying for many little miracles for all the people who are suffering. Little glimpses of hope to continue through the next weeks and months.

All this chaos has made me think about what matters in life. I have thought often this week about our business, creating interiors and making beautiful spaces. I guess it still does matter, we need beauty? But I guess what I / we need to remember is people. To keep relationships at the center of our lives, and not be too busy for loving those around you, your family, friends, colleagues, contractors, clients, grocery shop assistants, mechanics, etc. Everyone!

I wrote this quote in my iphone notes the other day..... "love people because they exist". Its simple and I'm making it my motto.

Pic from Fashion Toast.